Happy Hanukah

By eric

I don’t often write poetry. In fact, I am not usually a great writer of poetry (since I don’t read much of it anyway). However, I do, for some odd reason, find it fun to write programming poetry and Perl just makes it so easy. So admist all the holiday cheer (mostly Christmas) and in light of seeing this Christmas Poem, I decided to throw together my own version for the Jewish population. Enjoy and Happy Hanukah!

  if ($kids) { write $santa; dump $kids; }
  foreach (@night) { study $prayers and $stories; }
  select $gentiles; #to
    join "you"; if ($gentiles) { open $MIND,"ed"; }

foreach $night (1..8) {
  wait until $sundown;
  tell $oil_story;
  seek $matches, $candle, 0;
  bless $candle, $prayers;

    $candle unless $lit; next $candle;
    redo LIGHTING until last, menorah, is, lit;
  goto FOOD unless ($young_children);
  join $gifts, $child;
  open ALL, $gifts;

    do {
      unpack "FOOD", $table;
      chop $potato_latkes;
      sort @tater_tots;
      chop $brisket;
      open $applesauce, "packages";
      sin unless (bagles and lox); exists $on{table};
      require fork;
      if (exists $jewish{mother}) { use constant feeding, "rules"; };
      while ($jewish_household) { }
        continue { $eating until ($stomach > $full); }
    } while ($food eq "Kosher");

    tell $stories;
    listen $stories, $history;
    setpriority $children, $jewish{spouse}, $marriage;
    do { $jewish_geography if (local $family); }
  accept $gelt, $family;
  push @dreidel, $around_room;
  read($it,$happened,$over_there) unless (local $Israel);

do $mitzvot until $tired;

require $all; tell $everyone; { "Happy Hanukah"; }

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